Eternal Temptations

Well, what to say. It has not been exactly Utopia lately, though it may have been an exaggerated wonderland...
I always assumed that love and THE one were just round the corner..getting ready, to sweep me off my feet. Well, this is not anything remotely creative or firsthand, just a little close fantasy that I have always nurtured. People, men and especially boys have come and gone, without making a difference really. One did, and he turned out to be an ass. After a long time, almost like an eternal slumber, is someone trying. Genuinely. Minus flattery. Boys, as I have been told by numerous friends, are produced through a generic mould. Well, atleast most are. They have a core vision, one goal in mind, and that is where they want to go. Some differ in their routes, taking directions from Sir Tennyson or Shakespeare, or walking along the path tredged by Robert Kincaid. But how many of them really mean it? I frankly have stopped keeping count long ago.
Right now, I feel sick, guilty to my core. I know that everything is genuine, and like I have been repeating in front of friends for the last couple of days, nothing is potentially wrong. Yet, from within, there is a terrible voice that beckons me to stay where I am. To not go anywhere. To not head recklessly into everything like I have always done. To understand and rationalise. To not let this become a classic case in context. To just do anything and everything that brings with it a serene sense of existence.
To calm down. To just know what self wants, really.
Will harping on the same thing on and on help? I wish it would..