Eternal Temptations

It has been quite a while since I have been out and out candid here. In more ways than one, a lot has changed in this cathartic comma. But, in a condensed capsule, I feel as if I stand where I began, possibly more vulnerable and confused than ever before.
My exams finished a good twenty days ago, but I have no clue as to where I want to go. This break before the next session was meant to be utilised aesthetically- in learning pottery, in making endless sketches, in lying amongst a pile of books (cheesy, queasy, classics et al)..in just enjoying the sluggish hyperactivity of life during the holidays..

But ironically, I have been hardpressed to even put in a post a day. It is just not lack of time that upsets me, but an utter lack of rational feelings. In moments when one generally feels content, I get a sudden sense of extreme deprivation. I stand in the midst of an emotional deluge, yet, I find no stable footing. It is odd really..how words too fail to comfort today...

Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call'd him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath;
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
To cease upon the midnight with no pain,
While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad
In such an ecstasy!
Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain -
To thy high requiem become a sod.
-- Keats